When I started therapy for the first time in my early 20s, I told my therapist that I needed to talk about the fact that she was a complete stranger who I was paying so that she'd "care" about me and listen. I didn't trust her, and why would I? I didn't even know her. And to be honest, I was deeply suspicious of this whole therapy thing. That said, I wanted support. Luckily, she understood and made space for all of these parts to be expressed and joined. And my work with her is what eventually inspired me to become a therapist myself.

Just as we are injured through relationships - relationships are how we heal and grow. If we could read a self-help book (or, nowadays, “connect” with AI) and feel better about ourselves and the world, therapy would cease to exist. In reality, humans are like orca whales. We rely on our community and multi-generational family networks (both chosen family and biological family) in order to survive, develop, and thrive. When these connections are injured, we need to repair. Sometimes that happens at the source (eg., with our primary caregivers) and sometimes it happens through new relationships that we seek out for ourselves.

One criteria I’ve heard for a good enough therapist is: do they fight well? In other words, when a client challenges their authority or lodges a complaint in the room (however big or small), are they comfortable hanging out with that? Are they able to join the client’s frustration or anger and explore it? Are they able to learn more about the client’s experience through this energy exchange? (Or do they shut down, get defensive, or withdraw?)

Therapists are human, too. I aim to be a good enough (not perfect) therapist because I have experienced that a steady, caring, yet imperfect therapeutic relationship is one of the ways that deep relational healing can occur.